What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 02:24
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
What do you love to do at night when you’re alone?
Was to survive, this bastard.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We all went to grammer schools
Women like what they hear while men like what they see, it that true?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Patti LuPone stuns Broadway as The Apologizer - AV Club
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Power Rankings: RBC Canadian Open - PGA Tour
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
First look: The new Pedro Pascal-narrated space show in NYC - Time Out
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What is the most craziest dream you ever had?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Secret leprosy infected the Americas before European arrival - DW
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Comes on , in middle age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do people think Mirko is boring in My Hero Academia?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
What are some important works of Marcel Proust (novelist)?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What does pompano fish taste like?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I have no regrets .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Would this be the day?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is soul school!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was in good health!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im still living with it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Put me off passion for life!!
I think the readers, may guess!
My family never makes their pension either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Who then, do I blame.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But, we were locked up after school.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot live in the past .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I write beautiful poetry .
It was going to be , some day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers